He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
