I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize