i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
