I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
