so that wasnt chicken after all
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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