You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
