But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
