I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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