My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
