But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it was like eating out sand paper
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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