When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
