He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
