i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
