so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
someone owes me an orgasm
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
