Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
