Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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