Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Everyone says I win the strip club
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
