Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Farmville is her only friend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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