I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
im on a boat
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