oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize