wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
