Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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