he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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