No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
