Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
