You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dick very happy bro
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
