Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
