i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we made out on top of his cat.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
