I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
