How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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