I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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