I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
