is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
