All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
