Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
