wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
