i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
