I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
