You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
