Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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