My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
