I CAN MOONWALK!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
