Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
