And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
