Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
