I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
