He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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