and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
