I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
