She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
