they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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