I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
