I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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