Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
