White coat. Heels.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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