I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
please come you make the beer taste better
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
