Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The best revenge is premature balding
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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