Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
