y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
