where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
