what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
