Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
