He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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