If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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