4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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