I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
