I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize