I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
