good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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