Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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