so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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