You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
