Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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