i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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