I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
