Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
