I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
