sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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