If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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